Merry Christmas Everyone
by beexfeatheryduster
Summary: Joker is a little bored and decides he wants to get into the christmas spirit. Rated T, just to be extra safe. One-shot


**Authors note: Just a funny little image I had in my head, hope you find it amusing too - Bee x**

* * *

Christmas was coming to Gotham and it really was just the perfect time of year for them to wreak havoc. He had done it in years past, usually without his little Harlequin, and it was always wonderful. He remembered well when he had aired 'Christmas With The Joker'. Ah, it had been very fun. The only downside was that Batman and his little birdy Robin had caught him. It was not going to happen this year. That he was sure of. He didn't quite fancy the annual holiday to Arkham Asylum, the place was so miserable at Christmas time, and Harley certainly would not appreciate it. There were times when Harley Quinn was a gift, and other times when she was so much of a pain in his ass that he really did want to kill her. She did have her uses, and he supposed that he liked her to a certain degree. He had to focus on that at those moments when the urge to kill reared it's splendid head. It was the only thing that stayed his hand, and kept her alive. That girl had no idea of exactly how lucky she was.

Joker shook his head and threw the cards down onto the table before him. Playing cards weren't all that interesting unless someone else was playing, or they were being pinned to bodies. The Joker didn't really have anything to do. There was no plan to do anything, and so nothing had been done. Normally he needed some vague sort of plan, and some henchman. He didn't have any of those and so he was bored. Naturally, he called for Harley.

"HARLEY!" He yelled, tipping his head back and drumming his hands on the table, thinking if he made enough noise that she would defiantly hear and come running. He waited silently for a few moments and had to hide a self-satisfied grin when the door was thrown open and Harley flew into the room, coming to a stop in front of him.

"I'm here Mistah J" Harley said, with a happy smile on her face. Joker had to resist the urge to hit her. She was like a dog, eager to please, and he was sure if she had a tail it would be wagging right then. It was rather sickening at times actually, and very annoying.

"I'm a little bored Harley girl" Joker said, picking up all the playing cards and placing them in a pile. He shuffled the cards before drawing one from the top of the deck. It was the Joker. He giggled and leapt to his feet.

"What is it Mistah J?" Harley asked, her smile fading. She obviously wasn't all that sure about what was going on, or exactly why he had called her. The Joker hadn't even known until now.

"We're going out" He said, grabbing hold of Harley's arm and pulling her towards the door. He reached the front door and yanked it open, pausing as he heard Harley's voice.

"Where are we goin' Boss?" Harley asked. Joker smiled at her brilliantly before heading out onto the street.

"I want to see Santa"

* * *

It was such a normal thing to do, to be out in the mall. People hurried from shop to shop, carrying bags filled with purchases. It was coming up for Christmas, and so many people spent so much money on gifts. Harley didn't really see the point in it. Why pay when you could just take? Then again, she had a perspective few of Gotham's citizens had. Still, the people in this particular mall, whose name Harley couldn't bother recalling, were in for a different shopping experience today. In full costume and clown make up, as always whenever they went out, she walked through the mall, just behind her Mistah J. He was practically skipping, the shoppers parting for him, and by proxy her, like the Red Sea. It was rather amusing to see, and yet Harley couldn't help but worry. She hoped that her puddin' got his business done before the cops, or Batman, arrived and ruined everything as they always did.

"Come on we'll miss him" Joker called back to her, breaking Harley out of her thoughts. He was like a child right now, and it made her laugh, and caused a smile to break out on her face. She quickened her pace until she was walking beside the excitable Joker. They rounded a corner and were met with the sight of a large house in the centre of the mall. There was a wooden sign on the white picket fence surrounding the house. It read 'Santas grotto'. Harley watched as Joker came to a stop and rubbed his hands together with uncontained glee. She very rarely saw that where bloodshed and chaos weren't occurring. He just looked like any person excited to see a man dressed up as Santa. Harley was about to open her mouth to ask if her puddin' knew this but then remembered the last time she had 'pointed out the obvious'. Internally, she winced. She didn't mind that he hurt her, because she knew he loved her, but that didn't mean she liked the pain all that much.

"Come on and see Santa!" He sang happily before pushing through the small crowd gathered outside the house. Harley followed after him, shaking her head then adjusting her jester's hat as it slipped. She got through the crowd no problem. Thankfully, they were all too stunned to see her and her puddin' in such normal circumstances that they weren't shouting at them or anything. She had a feeling that there wouldn't be a shopping mall if that were the case. Mistah J would have blown it, and everyone in it, to hell.

Harley pushed open the door and walked into the grotto, ignoring the men dressed up as elves pressed against the wall, and just generally everything around her. Her focus was on her man, who was currently sitting on a terrified looking Santa's knee.

"Oh Santa! I've been a very good boy this year. I've cleaned up all the mess I left behind and we even gave to an orphanage a few months ago!" Joker exclaimed rocking backwards and forwards of the Santa's knee. Harley had to laugh at that last one. They had given a shed load of grenade's to an orphanage in an attempt to ensnare Batman. It probably wasn't the type of giving that old Saint Nick would have been approving of, considering that the orphanage in question had been demolished in the act of 'giving'.

"So this year Santa, I want Batsy round for dinner. Harley girl can cook and if I know anything, her desert will be to die for" Mistah J paused in his rocking and looked to Harley, his smile even brighter and wider than usual. He winked and Harley smiled back, nodding her head. She supposed that this was going to be her puddin's next attempt on Batman. The hint about a desert that would be to die for, that would be problematic. All she could think of was a cyanide pie.

Harley pushed thoughts of desert to the back of her mind and returned her attentions towards the Joker, who had just kissed the fake Santa on the side of the cheek. She narrowed her eyes slightly at the Santa and was more than ready to beat him to within an inch of his fake life, then she heard the laugh. It was her puddin's laugh, so unique and so him. So insane. She started laughing too and watched on happily as her man squeezed the flower on his purple suit, releasing the Smilex right into the fake Santa's face. Joker hopped off his knee and walked over to Harley, the laughter of the dying Santa like music as he reached her.

"Well that was fun" He remarked brightly as they left the grotto. Harley had to wonder as they walked away if that was all that Mistah J had planned for Christmas this year.

"Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got away" Joker sang, only for Harley to interrupt him by loudly proclaiming "HAY!" at the end of his song. She wasn't quite sure what to expect in reply to that, which is why she was taken by surprise when she was thrown face first into a shop window. This was her puddin', and oh how she loved him.


End file.
